list

Things I Really, Really Liked That Are No Longer Available to Me Because the Universe is Against Me

Chicken McSwiss
Choc-o-lite candy bars
Richard’s homegrown produce
Sizzelean
Dairy Queen’s small cheeseburgers
My great-grandmother’s chicken dumplings
Planter’s Cheezballs
Steak-Umms wraps (bacon cheddar)
Ephedrine
Dairy Queen’s cherry shakes made with that awesome syrup (I think it was grenadine), not that slimy, disgusting sundae topping
Krystal’s cherry shakes (ditto)
Orange Hooch
Zima XXX Hard Orange
Zima Citrus
Holly Hobbie & Strawberry Shortcake dolls not dressed like gansta hos